so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
