I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
