3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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