honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
