i permit you to call me
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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