I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
