Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
