i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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