So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
