while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
