you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
