Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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