beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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