They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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