I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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