Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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