Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
