Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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