Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
