I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
