He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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