Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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