Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
