I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
