apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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