So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
