I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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