I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
