i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
