I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
