That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
