Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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