there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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