Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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