He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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