Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
