dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
