Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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