i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
