new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
