Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
