you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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