i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
