one two three fourrrrnication!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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