pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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