Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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