The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
whose parrot is this?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
