WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
do herpes really smell.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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