i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
