Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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