Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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