I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
as a side note pls kill me
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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