I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
zippers are such a cool invention
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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